Heaven - Alexandra Adornetto Oh my. I have to say this was the worst one yet. One would believe that when someone has three tries to get something right, that person eventually would...

Where do I begin?

Let's start with the fun fact that the dense, smoky forestry in South Carolina can, in fact, hide your sinning asses from the Great Cheezus himself! Yup. Bet'cha you didn't know that. Well there you have it. So, if you sin beyond imaginable circumstances you now know where to hide your shame riddled face. And to help you get there: a black jeep. They can outrun angels... Oh and stay indoors.

Also, a large college campus can hide you from angels...beings that watch you in the sky...but not at Ole Miss...

Completely fucking stupid.

It's almost as if you have to have an out of body experience as you read this or the sheer stupidity of it would do you in. Locked up, key tossed.

This is what left me mind-bottled:

Why did the priest that married these two assholes get killed? Beth lied to him to sway his decision to marry them saying that it was God's plan. That doesn't seem fair that he believed an angel and was killed.

How was he dealt with so efficiently but Bonnie and Clyde get to resume FUBARing everyone's life they come in contact with and have been doing such FUBARing for a little over a year now?

Why did I have to sit through 296 pages of mind numbing shenanigans from the bobsy twins? why? why?

Why was the Archangel Gabriel going to give up his wings for the selfish needs of an adolescent angel and her husband? and don't feed me that bullshit about "angels are supposed to protect man and that's what he was doing" because that seems pretty convenient... There is a whole wide world out there that needs a Arch not just some sniveling teenagers with bad case of the sassy-times.

Is Heaven good or bad? I couldn't figure thay shit out.

Does God actually know what's going on? Ever? Cuz I couldn't figure that shit out either. It was made to seem like maybe God got in a bit over his head creating the whole world...

And for all the donuts in Springfield, Why wouldn't Beth, who said repeatedly that she'd give herself up because she wanted to take responsibility for her actions just give herself up??? Take what was coming to her like an adult and then find her way back? Boom. Story over and Adornetto doesn't have a hit out on her.

The rascals:

Beth. Wow, Beth. She was absurdly self centered. I felt it was more so in this book than with any other. She thought only of herself and how she would get Xavier. She didn't care about Gabriel, Ivy, Molly, anyone! Just herself. How was Beth feeling after she lied the Father Mel and got him killed? bad but she still had Xavier. How did Beth feel when Xavier had to leave his family with no explanation to follow her around? bad but she still had Xavier. How did Beth feel when the trail of bodies just kept piling up around her just because they said "Hi" to her once in passing? bad, but she still had Xavier. How about when Gabriel was getting his wings CHOPPED the fuck off and Xavier was battling Lucifer? Bad. But. She. Still. Had. Xavier. It was sickening.

She would say she felt some emotion close to gratitude and then do something that completely contradicted it. She would flip-flop back and forth about being tired of fighting and wanting a fight. She even took on an Avatar State at one point but never once channeled it again.... fucking weird and stupid.

Now, I have to say that I don't do the whole God thing. Personal choice. Yeah, I know, I'm going to Hell. Thank you.

The amount of hypocrisy in this book was difficult to swallow. Beth found some way to twist every God thing to fit her needs. She would go on and on about His will and Her Creator just so that she can explain away the unhealthy relationship she had. It was as if Adornetto didn't want to stick to her guns about what it was she exactly believed happened with religion or God. She would write one thing but turn around a chapter later and refute it... What? stay on one side.

Xavier is part angel....humph. Seriously? Whatevs. I can't take it anymore.

Molly was in an unhealthy relationship...per Beth. Ha. She was also shit on routinely in this book. Poor Molls.

Gabriel and Ivy: Humph. That is all.

Jake Thorn: Welcome back. (That whole scene was so utterly fucking unnecessary.)

All in all: I'm so fucking happy to be done with this series that I cried. I cried on the last page. I also cried during the book at varying parts because my psyche couldn't handle the dribble anymore.

Alexandra Adornetto,

My disdain for you has only grown since Halo. I would ride this wave for all it's worth Honey, because your success was a fluke. I am almost afraid to think about how any of this mirrors your real life... Or worse yet, how you would want it to. Molly wasn't the only one in an unhealthy relationship. I really hope you understand that.

One day, America will have a chance to be top billing in the world-wide race for the title of "Country with the Best Education System" and these "books" will be nothing but cinders. I hope that I am around to witness that day. Until then, I will have my own bonfire.

Nearly Cockeyed in California.